Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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