This is not my ceiling
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Boobs speak an international language.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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