My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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