Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize