There was a lot of him and a little penis
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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