dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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