i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I enjoy the company of your penis
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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