Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
