God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
time to smoke my breakfast
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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