Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
