Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize