brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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