evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
