ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
