After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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