Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
