i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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