I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
