we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
