im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
