Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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