how can u be prego again
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
