If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
