porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
