I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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