i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
