32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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