Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
