this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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