you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
