did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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