The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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