She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
