So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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