I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
