Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
