guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
