all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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