I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
