My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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