its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
