I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize