He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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