She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
