Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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