She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
