It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
