i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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