Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
