How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
