so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
