That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
