She tied me up with her honor cords...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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