they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
