And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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