I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
