Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
