Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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