Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
