so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
