Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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