he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
