im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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