I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
