Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
