All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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